Tuesday, 5 February 2013

My life would make a great sit com

I wrote this on a thread today or Roses forum as there was a question about writing a sit com for the BBC and I thought it was too good not to share on my blog

I've always thought my life would make for a great sit com as you just couldn't make it up and vanilla people would never believe it could be a true story. It could only work if done in the style of the office or life's too short though as this is how I see my life.

This is the premise(or in fact basically my life) 

Seemingly normal guy(lets call him Peter Parker) shares a house with his ex-girlfriend(we'll call her Pam) and they often pretend still to be a couple in public mainly when it comes to visiting his dad who believes gays should have their own soaps and not infect his favorite ones like EastEnders and his brother who has a strange collection of massive bra's and is very quiet. Also when visiting her family who consist of a lazy mother who has never worked in her life but moans about everything and spies on the neighbours to give her something to do. A stepfather who lives in another world and starts meaningless conversation connected to nothing constantly without warning and their 11 year old son who just say's "I want" all the time and is never grateful when he gets what he wants. Her parents hate Peter as much as he hates them but both parties pretend to get on in public from time to time.

Of course this normal guy is anything but as you know. Away from the vanilla life he works and plays dressed as a woman(We'll her Nina). He works as a kind of escort that doesn't have sex with the clients(often funny in itself)and makes the most of a resemblance to the actress Billie Piper who just happened to play a call girl on tele and Nina also works as a dominatrix and pro submissive and has the most unusual clients such as the guy who wanted to make out with Nina wearing boxing gloves or the guy who made her do a sexy striptease not realizing she was in fact a man until the last moment. The list goes on.

On weekends still dressed as woman Nina sometimes goes out for meals with other guys dressed as women some of which look and act ridiculous. One even lives as a full time transvestite and isn't slightly passable but doesn't care or notice people looking at her.

Some nights Nina attends fetish and BDSM clubs. Very scary places these are full up with pathetic naked men on leads and fat woman squeezed into corsets who have mainly come along for the free food and of course more dodgy trannies who feel this is a safe place to go and not get beat up as it's full of freaks even though they often have no interest in BDSM. 

When Nina has spare time she spends it making often mad kinky films for her paysite sometimes on location. Sometimes she gets caught out and has to explain things like why she's in a private quarry dressed as woman covered in mud! She even has time to write for a trans magazine that has a circulation of about 100 people who don't understand the internet and will for sure soon feature as the guest publication on have I got news for you

Of course when Nina changes back to Peter Parker again she does normal things young men do and loves fast cars and bikes as well as films and music and often hangs round with people that have no idea what she is or what she's capable of and of course like all young men masturbates far too often but never actually has sex with women mainly because she wants to be the woman and often has a hard time dealing with the fact she wasn't born one.

I know it's too far fetched you're right no one would every believe it I might send it to Ricky Gervais he'll love it and may even be able to get Billie Piper to play me as Nina and herself. How cool would that be!!

1 comment:

  1. That description resonates so much. Be what you want to be. And I can well understand you attracting the Billie Piper fantasists.